“Who’s the mother?”
It surprises me how often we get asked that question — often right to our faces — as two dads with a newborn baby girl.
People — often uninformed straight people— are convinced we must have compartmentalized our marital duties into perfectly traditional gender roles. When they ask, “Who’s the mother?” they are actually asking, “Who wears the pants and who wears the skirt?”
Yes, we still get asked that question all the time. In 2018.
I usually answer with something saucy like, “Hey the 1950’s called, they want their mores back.”
When we began our surrogacy journey two years ago, we were cautioned by a psychologist that as a same sex couple we must remain very clear, precise and steadfast with our use of parental terminology. More specifically, we were told to be careful never to allow ourselves and others to misuse the term “mother.”