|
Looking for a
Surrogate Mother or an egg donor?
This book
is a moving real-life account of one woman's struggle
with infertility and her journey through surrogacy to
have the family she desperately wanted.
Click here
for more details
Latest Surrogacy News
YOUR LIFE: FAMILY - I'M A SERIAL SURROGATE
Jul 20 2004 By
Sharon Feinstein Mirror.co.uk
Touched by the
plight of one childless couple, surrogate mother Andrea
Gibson gave birth to two babies for them - and now she
plans to have a third.
WHEN Andrea Gibson falls
pregnant again she will make it into the record books as
the first surrogate mum in Britain to carry three babies
for the same couple.
The 33-year-old Post
Office worker, who lives in Merseyside, decided to
become a surrogate mother after an ectopic pregnancy
left her questioning her own fertility.
Happily, Andrea and her
husband Cliff went on to have three children - Sarah,
13, Keith, 10, and eight-year-old Erica. But her past
difficulties compelled her to consider helping other
couples who hadn't been so lucky.
When she was introduced to
Sue and Patrick Jennings - an Essex couple who had been
trying for a baby for 16 years, without success - she
knew she had the power to help them experience the joys
of family life.
"When I met Sue and Pat I
was struck by how close and in love they were - they
were holding hands and casting little glances at each
other," says Andrea.
"It just felt so right .
They were an ideal couple, bursting with love to give to
a child, and I felt this overwhelming urge to help
them."
Sue and Pat, who are both
49, now have a 19-month-old son, Jamie*, and
three-week-old daughter, Rachel* - both carried by
Andrea.
And they will plan to try
for their third baby with her after Christmas.
It was partly because of
their ages that Andrea decided to have more than one
baby for them, rather than help another childless
couple.
"I felt a close tie with
them after Jamie was born and just knew I wanted to help
them again if they wanted another baby," she explains.
"I also felt it was
important that the babies were genetically related.
"People might think their
age is an issue, but so many infertile couples have gone
through years of trying to get pregnant so they're
already older when they're looking into surrogacy. And
you can't penalise them for that.
"There are still women in
this world having children naturally at that age.
"I wanted to help the more
isolated couples rather than the obvious ones - couples
of all ages, gay couples. As long as they are in a
stable, loving relationship and have enough love to give
to a child.
"There are traditional
families out there with a father and mother who aren't
fit to have children. Yet wonderful gay couples and
older couples, who have got so much love and happiness
in their lives, can't have them. Why not help them?"
Fortunately, Andrea had
the full support of her own family when she decided to
become a surrogate mother for Sue and Pat.
"At first, my husband,
Cliff, felt weird about the insemination, but he got
used to the whole idea as the pregnancy progressed," she
recalls.
"All the hospital staff
were wonderful, my children were wonderful, and the
people around here were wonderful.
"My oldest daughter,
Sarah, brought me cups of tea, Keith offered me his
Nintendo to distract me through the contractions and my
little one gave me massages while I was pregnant.
"When the first baby was
born it was an experience I can't begin to explain - the
emotion was so high.
"Pat had first hold of
Jamie because Sue was sobbing and shaking so much she
thought she'd drop him.
I FELT wonderful seeing
the pure joy on their faces, but it was weird when they
disappeared into the night with Jamie.
"I thought, 'What next?
What do I do now?' It takes some getting used to, but
the feeling of joy is incredible.
"There is an awful lot in
this world I can't help to put right, but this is
definitely one thing I can do."
After Jamie came into
their lives, and Sue and Pat decided they would like to
add to their family, Andrea didn't think twice about
offering to help them again.
"We left it four months
and it took a couple of attempts to get pregnant with
Rachel," she says.
"It is very addictive. I
only gave birth to her three weeks ago and I'm sitting
here now thinking, 'Hmm, wonder when I'll be pregnant
again?'
"I love seeing the couple
with the baby, seeing them as a family and knowing I've
helped to achieve that.
"Now I have offered to be
their surrogate for a third time, so I think I'll be the
first in the country to produce three babies for one
couple.
"We're going to wait until
December, but I'm definitely having a third."
That decision has
delighted Sue and Pat, who always longed to have a big
family but thought they were destined never to become
parents at all.
"I know people will accuse
me of being greedy for asking Andrea to have three
children for us, but I have had my share of heartache,"
says Sue. "I really feel we deserve a bit of happiness.
"People may say it's like
going to a sweet shop and choosing another sweet. Well,
how bad is that? And anyway, it's not as easy as going
to a sweet shop."
If anyone knows how
difficult it can be trying to start a family it is Sue
and Pat, who is a builder.
They have been married for
27 years and spent 16 of them trying unsuccessfully for
a baby. Sue had 10 failed attempts at IVF treatment
before they finally turned to surrogacy - and Andrea -
as the answer to their prayers.
SUE says, "Not one day
went by when I didn't yearn for children. And now,
suddenly, my life is completely whole.
"I started trying for a
baby when I was 31. As time went by I put an age on it -
I said I would try until I was 40 and that's it. But
then you start moving the goalposts and keep going. I
don't really think of my age, to be truthful.
"People say, 'It must be
tiring with babies at your age', but I do everything for
them. The children always come first in our house.
"My sister admitted she
had to think to herself, 'This is Sue's baby not
Andrea's', when she first came to see Jamie. But after
she saw us together that thought never even entered her
head again.
"Both babies look like
Patrick. And from the outset I have never thought they
weren't my children.
"Even when Andrea was
carrying them there were no pangs of jealousy. To me,
they are mine, even though they are not genetically
linked to me.
"They will always know
where they've come from and we keep scrapbooks for them,
so they will know all about Andrea.
"When she was carrying
Jamie I said to Patrick, 'I'm not being greedy, but I
wonder if she'd ever do it again for us?'
"Then when she was
carrying Rachel everyone was telling us we had got a
complete set now. But Patrick and I always wanted three
or four children.
"It becomes like a drug.
Surrogate mums really love to do it and it's the same
for us - we love the children.
Just a week after Rachel
was born I ran it past Andrea, who said, 'I'd love to be
your surrogate mum again.' I know that people will
criticise me for having three surrogate babies when
there are so many childless couples out there. But
you've got to have a bond with your surrogate mum and
not all couples gel. So if you have a good relationship
and you both want it, why not have more?
"I love those children
with all my heart and I would do anything for them.
"I've even told Andrea
that I'm glad I didn't have my own children because I
wouldn't have these two little people in my life. I
wouldn't have known Jamie and Rachel."
Andrea admits that her
feelings towards the babies she has given up are
complicated.
"I love those children,
but not in the way I love my own," she says. "It's more
like I do my brother's kids.
"They're half-brothers and
sisters to my own children, but they think of them as
special cousins.
"Not everybody can be a
surrogate - you have to know yourself very well. I've
had people say to me in the street, 'You are wonderful,
but I know I couldn't do that.'"
Andrea's way of coping is
to detach herself from the pregnancy.
"Right from the very start
I think, 'This is Sue and Pat's baby'," she says.
"But I love being pregnant
and I enjoy the labour, I don't know why. I get this
glowing feeling - and it gives me an excuse not to
diet!"
Although she finds being
pregnant addictive, Andrea is determined to stop being a
surrogate mum at three babies. Her husband has also put
his foot down.
"After three it's got to
be the last one," she says. "Cliff has been very patient
and understanding letting me have three babies that
weren't his children, and I'm not getting any younger. I
will probably get withdrawal symptoms and stomp around
the place, but I'm going to stick to my guns.
"I've given my husband my
word that the third one is going to be the final one. By
then I will have created a five-person family.
"I have that power to be
able to help people and I get a very deep, nice feeling
inside when I think about what I've been able to do.
"It's certainly broadened
my outlook on life."
back to top |
