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The
delivery room was tense and anxious. For
four days, doctors had tried to stop
labor, but Julie and Gary Proctor's
twins were coming, now.
Gary gripped Julie's shoulder, his
camera poised to capture his boys'
birth. Julie held her breath,
desperately worried about the health of
her premature babies.
And on the operating table, Sandi Saxton
prepared to give birth to the children
who would finally make the Proctors
parents.
This was the moment Sandi had imagined
when she first offered to be the
Proctors' surrogate -- the moment when
the Lakeland woman would be able to give
her sister-in-law Julie and husband Gary
children of their own.
For five years, Sandi had watched the
couple struggle with infertility. She
saw their hearts break each time their
attempts at in vitro fertilization
failed. She saw the ache in their eyes
and the emptiness of their arms. She
watched them play with her own children
and thought, they would make wonderful
parents.
Carrying their twins was her chance to
help their hearts heal and make their
family whole.
Julie held Sandi's hand and stroked her
face as doctors cut into her womb. The
room was quiet, everyone wondering the
same thing: Would the boys be OK? Was it
too early? They'd all been through so
much already.
Then, at 11:25 Oct. 7, 2004, doctors at
Lakeland Regional Medical Center pulled
Jackson Waldman Proctor from Sandi
Saxton's womb. He was small -- only 3
pounds, 13 ounces -but his cry was
strong. Julie and Sandi began to weep
with relief and joy.
One minute later, Joseph McGuire Proctor
was welcomed into the world, weighing 4
pounds, 1 ounce. He, too, was healthy.
Gary snapped photos. Julie wept. And
Sandi smiled.
"Go," she told them. "Go be with your
babies."
DREAM SEEMED TO BE SLIPPING AWAY
Julie Proctor is a bright pixie of a
woman, petite and energetic with a round
face, sparkling blue eyes and a quick
smile.
She's been a self-described "baby
fanatic" her whole life; she cooed over
babies in strollers; was everyone's
favorite baby-sitter; and even chose to
become a teacher, in part, because it
allowed her to be around children.
She was so sure she would be a mother
that, at 21, she bought a blue four-door
Honda Accord -a vehicle with plenty of
room for car seats.
"I just knew I'd be having children
soon," said Julie, now 36.
Five years ago, she fell in love with
Gary Proctor, a math teacher at the
small country school in Lock Haven, Pa.,
where they both work. She knew she'd
found the future father of her children.
The couple started trying to get
pregnant a month after their wedding,
but with no success. Doctors discovered
Julie had bad fallopian tubes, a
condition that makes it difficult to get
pregnant, and recommended in vitro
fertilization. The process involves
removing eggs from the mother's ovaries,
fertilizing them with the father's sperm
and placing them in the mother's womb.
Gary and Julie both adored children.
Gary is one of seven and has scores of
nieces and nephews, and Julie loved the
idea of raising a child of her own.
But the first in vitro failed.
The second in vitro failed.
The third in vitro failed.
Every time they tried, Julie and Gary's
hopes soared. They dared to imagine
themselves chasing after a child,
hearing the sound of little feet
pounding the halls and listening to the
wild giggle of a toddler.
They tried a fourth time.
A fifth time.
A sixth time.
No baby.
"It was an emotional roller coaster,"
said Julie. "I felt so guilty. I
remember feeling . . . that it was my
fault that Gary was never going to get
to have any children. It was my body."
They told themselves it wasn't meant to
be; that this way they could pick up and
travel around the world any time they
wanted; that they wouldn't have to
suffer sleepless nights at the hands of
a squalling infant.
"We talked ourselves out of having kids.
We kept saying `We're not doing this
again. We can't do this again,' " said
Julie Proctor. "But the thought of never
having (children) was not good. I wanted
to be pregnant. I wanted that."
After their seventh in vitro attempt,
they gave up. Julie had visited her
doctor 72 times and logged more than
10,000 miles. They'd spent more than
$70,000 trying to get pregnant. Their
marriage was strained. Their hearts were
broken.
They went to their families and told
them their decision.
"We said, `Look, we're just not going to
have any children. Everyone needs to
accept that,' " Julie said.
FINDING ANOTHER WAY
At 35, Sandi Saxton is well-practiced at
the art of mothering; She has a warm,
comfortable persona that gives the
impression you'd be in good hands if you
scraped your knee or needed help with a
school science project.
She is married to Richard Saxton,
Julie's older brother, and stays at home
to take care of their five children --
twins Nathan and Trisha, 14; Gena; 12;
Logan, 9; and Cullin, 3.
She's always enjoyed a comfortable, easy
relationship with her sister-in-law.
"She's one of us," Julie Proctor told
her mother five years ago when her
brother brought Sandi home to meet his
family.
Sandi, with her tumbling black curls and
dark eyes, is Julie's physical opposite.
But the pair shares a love of children
and family, and it pained Sandi to see
Julie struggle with infertility.
"If you knew Julie and Gary, and you
knew how good they are with children. .
. . It just didn't seem right that they
shouldn't have any of their own," Sandi
said.
In summer 2001, she was thinking about
the Proctors' plight when an an idea
popped into her head. She immediately
reached for her cell phone and called
her mother.
"I can carry Julie and Gary's baby," she
told her.
With her mother's backing, she pitched
the idea to her husband. Richard Saxton
was immediately supportive, Sandi said.
But the Proctors gratefully declined.
"I still had hope that I could carry my
own baby," said Julie.
A year later, still childless, they
reconsidered.
"I was getting discouraged and
frustrated after all that Julie and I
went through and the realization that it
wasn't going to work for us," said Gary
Proctor, 41. "So after time to think
about the positives of having children,
we decided to take the risk and take her
up on her offer."
In spring 2003, Sandi was implanted with
a pair of Julie's fertilized eggs. The
pregnancy didn't take.
In March 2004, they tried again. At the
same time, Julie was also implanted --
just in case.
They were together when the doctor
called.
Julie wasn't pregnant.
Sandi was having twins.
`I'M THEIR WOMB FOR RENT'
As Sandi's belly swelled, strangers
started asking questions. Sandi was
unflinchingly frank.
"I had this whole honesty thing going
on," she said. "People who already knew
that I had five kids, they'd get that
look on their face, and you knew the
minute (I) left they'd be saying, `Can
you believe she's having more kids?'
"I'd say, `Well, they're not mine.
They're my sister-in-law's. I'm their
womb for rent.' "
She was equally open with her children.
"People would say to Cullin, `Oh, you're
going to have a little brother or sister
soon!' She'd say, `No, those are my
cousins,"' Sandi said.
People repeatedly asked Sandi whether it
would be hard for her to give up the
boys after carrying them for so long.
Sandi never saw it that way.
"I'm not giving them up," she told
people. "This is a gift to me, too. I
get to be their favorite aunt."
Meanwhile, Julie and Gary were in
Pennsylvania, eagerly following Sandi's
pregnancy through regular phone calls
and e-mails.
Julie bought tons of children's books,
and she and Gary recorded themselves
reading them aloud and singing songs. In
Florida, Sandi put headphones on her
belly and played the tapes for the
babies.
Everyone was prepared for a fall
delivery -- the boys were due Nov. 16.
But Sandi went into premature labor when
she was only 32 weeks pregnant.
Fortunately, Joseph and Jackson are
perfectly healthy -- just small. After
three weeks in the neonatal intensive
care unit at Lakeland Regional, Jackson
came home on Oct. 29.
Joseph was expected to come home
Saturday.
Once both babies are home with their mom
and dad, the Proctors can discover the
joys of being a family.
"I believe that their births have put
the final cement in our family," said
Gary Proctor.
FINALLY LIVING HER DREAM
Like all new parents, Julie and Gary
have taken hundreds of photos in the
month since the boys were born.
The twins are undeniably photogenic:
Jack has dark hair and a round face, and
is the spitting image of Julie; Joe
looks like Gary, with fair features and
blond hair.
Julie even has many of the photos in an
album already, and she proudly displays
it to visitors.
But there's one picture that stands
apart from the others -a photo of Sandi
alone with the boys.
Julie, who still has the petri dish
where it all began, plans to frame the
photo and put it in the boys' nursery in
Pennsylvania as a daily reminder of
Sandi's gift.
Because of Sandi, Julie has fulfilled
the vision that prompted her to buy that
four-door Honda 15 years ago: she is
finally a mother.
"There are no words to tell her; we're
finally a family," Julie said.
Gary Proctor is equally effusive.
"It definitely made a lifelong bond
between Sandi and her entire family,
with my family," said Gary Proctor. "I
realize how special a person she is even
to offer this wonderful gift, let alone
go through what she did."
For her part, Sandi is modest about her
role as surrogate and gracefully
deflects Julie's praise.
She says the Proctors' happiness is all
the thanks she needs.
"When I walked into the nursery and saw
both babies on Julie's chest, that was
the most beautiful thing I've ever
seen," Sandi said. |
