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As a gay man living in a one-bedroom
apartment in New York, the thought of becoming a dad
daunted me. Let's face it, few strollers are paraded
down Chelsea's Eighth Avenue, and most of the
neighborhood is more interested in raising eyebrows than
raising kids. But after my partner David and I swapped
our downtown digs for a spacious brownstone in Harlem,
we decided to pursue parenting.
We launched our foray into the world of parenthood by
boarding the first gay and lesbian family-friendly
cruise. We hoped the trip, organized by R Family
Vacations and headlined in the media by Rosie O'Donnell,
would be the ideal opportunity to learn about our
options and to immerse ourselves in a community living
the real deal.
The ship's route was apparently chosen for family fun.
The Norwegian Dawn sailed from New York City on July 11,
traveling to Port Canaveral for Disney attractions, on
to Key West, where Rosie and her partner and
cruise-co-organizer Kelli received the key to the city,
and then to the Bahamas for two days, first stopping at
a private island followed by a day in the capital,
Nassau. The trip ended up back in the Big Apple on July
18.
In addition to many of the typical cruise-ship
activities (bingo, blackjack and art auctions), certain
programming was geared specifically toward the gay and
lesbian audience. The entertainment lineup seemed
decidedly gay-friendly, with performances by several
stars from Taboo -- the Broadway show produced by Rosie.
Tony Award-winning Christine Ebersole, "The View's" Joy
Behar and gay/lesbian comedians Judy Gold, Bob Smith and
Poppy Champlin also headlined their respective shows.
But unlike on other gay cruises, a number of
informational workshops, roundtable discussions and
panels germane to gay and lesbian families were held,
such as "Being a Dad in Mom's World" and "Gay
Parenting."
As potential parents, we concentrated on talks given by
a surrogacy specialist, a domestic-adoption lawyer, an
in-vitro fertilization doctor, gay dads and teens of gay
and lesbian parents. These panels provided insight into
a few of the parenting options available for gays and
lesbians, but fell short on others, such as foreign
adoption and foster parenting.
Still, we walked away from the seminars with enough
powerful information to feel comfortable discussing the
pros and cons of certain family-creation options and a
stronger parenting vocabulary.
But what gave us the most inspiration to proceed down
the path of parenting was the magnificent behavior of
the kids on the ship and their interaction with their
moms or dads. Before the cruise, I was apprehensive that
somehow children of gay or lesbian parents were bitter
and disgruntled by their situation. However, the kids I
talked to had an unbelievable amount of confidence. They
were open-minded, proud of their families, polite and
spoke with such candor about where they came from that
it gave me chills. They didn't have any issues with it
-- so why should anyone else? In my opinion, their
happiness is a credit to the warmth, love and patience
demonstrated by their parents.
By the end of the trip, David and I were leaning toward
some form of adoption rather than the more expensive and
emotionally difficult process of surrogacy. Neither of
us was adamant about having a biological child, nor
against having a multiracial family. In fact, many of
the families on board the ship were the result of a
transracial adoption, and after watching them smile,
laugh and play together, our ember of desire to become
parents of virtually any child combusted. Now we must
take the next step: finding the right adoption agency to
help us.
Throughout the trip there was an amazingly positive
energy and outlook. These families have proven to us
that raising a family is something that brings
exceptional joy, and that the obstacles of being gay or
lesbian will make us love, respect and cherish our kids
that much more. Due to the apparent success of this
trip, R Family has already begun accepting bookings for
next July's cruise, which will set sail from Boston,
traveling to Martha's Vineyard, Newport, Provincetown,
Nova Scotia and Bar Harbor. The question for David and
me is not whether we'll be on the trip, but whether or
not we'll have a child in tow.
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